


FEVER DREAM

by A_Michalchuck_Paige (Finalgirl_ish)



Category: Degrassi High, Degrassi Junior High
Genre: AU Stephanie stays at degrassi, Depression, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, according to me yes, could her mental health be worse?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29983899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finalgirl_ish/pseuds/A_Michalchuck_Paige
Summary: “Stephanie Kobalewscuy was staring at her from the mirror with her usual shapeless clothes and homely face. She tied her stupid hair, so that at least that wouldn’t bother her today, and rehearsed her best smile.”AU starting with 301. Stephanie attempt at transferring to an actual high school fail when her mother believes it would be best for her mental health to stay at Degrassi Junior High.
Relationships: Stephanie Kaye/Derek "Wheels" Wheeler
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	1. 1

Stephanie was laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Her mother words felt like they had been branded on her skin.

_«Maybe continuing at Degrassi will do you well»_

What was she even supposed to do?

The last part of the previous year was spent mainly sitting in her stupid’s counsellor’s office, pretending to be fine with her mother’s marriage, or eating milkshakes at the malt shop wearing the closest to a smile she could manage.

It had been so exhausting that when summer came she closed herself in her room trying not to interact with anyone. When her mother noticed she didn’t see any of her friends, Stephanie started spending her days in the park, saying she was at the twins’.

She learnt how to do everything not to worry anyone. Otherwise what? One week where they pretended to care and then months of them asking her to try and cheer up. No thanks, she’d been through that shit before.

The counsellor once said she didn’t want to kill herself, just to change life.

So she only asked for one thing. High School was the same everywhere, she only wanted to be away from everyone who witnessed her fall from grace. Not to sit next to the people who knew who she used to be and whispered every change. Not to set foot at Degrassi Junior High ever again.

But she should have known. They didn’t care as long as she didn’t bother them, and the paperwork for transferring them was clearly more bothering than just letting her get worse. Because she didn’t matter.

She finally got up. Stephanie Kobalewscuy was staring at her from the mirror with her usual shapeless clothes and homely face. She tied her stupid hair, so that at least that wouldn’t bother her today, and rehearsed her best smile.

* * *

The kitchen smelled like a cacophony as she walked in.

Arthur had spent the weekend there. He was sitting at his usual end of the table, eating oatmeal and drinking orange juice as he did every morning. Their mom was cooking some bacon. For Jerry. He had a usual spot at the table too.

«How did you sleep?» Her mother asked emptily. Did she want to her to say she barely slept, dreading every moment of what’s to come, just like every other night?

No she wanted to hear a pretty lie. «Great»

«Really? I could never sleep before the first day of class, too nervous» Jerry chimed in, as if anyone asked him anything. It was his favourite hobby.

«I slept like a rock»

Maybe she said it too sarcastically, since Arthur felt the need to quickly change the topic. «Dorothy’s going at Degrassi too»

«Your cousin, right? You’re all so close in age, it must be wonderful» Jerry again assumed they needed his opinion. «My cousin’s ten years older than me, I might’ve as well not had one growing up!»

The clock’s hand Stephanie had been staring at for the whole exchange finally moved. «We should hurry»

«Oh, right, I guess we’re not used to the school routine yet. Tomorrow we’ll wake up earlier.» Their mother said staring at the cooking bacon.

As Stephanie exited the room, she got hugged. «This year is going to be much better, believe me»

If that was made her sleep at night. «I know» Stephanie said smiling.

* * *

Heather and Erica were sitting next to the entrance, waiting for someone. Stephanie couldn’t avoid them now.

Not that she needed to avoid them this summer. They might as well not been in Toronto at all for how much she’d seen them.

She pondered skipping. She wasn’t going to handle the day. But she couldn’t. Not with Arthur there. He would worry and tell their mom, and she’d be back with that stupid counsellor. Everything would be better than that.

Thankfully the twins left their positions as soon as Michelle and Alexa arrived. Of course they were waiting for Alexa.

She started walking again, with so much impetus she ended up elbowing a boy that was in front of her.

«Ouch» a familiar voice exclaimed. Of course she hurt Wheels.

«Sorry» she mumbled without even turning back. She wasn’t going to deal with that.

The moment she stepped in the homeroom, Erica’s face fell.

«Stephanie!» Lucy exclaimed with a tinge of falsity in her voice.

«We thought you were going to transfer to some other school!» Heather tried to explain herself.

«And then I didn’t, people change their minds sometimes» Stephanie snapped at her.

«Sorry»

LD looked at Lucy, with the tiniest hint of guilt in her eyes. «We’re going for a pop later if you want…»

«I’m busy. Maybe some other time» she added.

They already got used to the idea that she wasn’t going to be there, and why should she ruin their plans?

«Tomorrow even» said Erica.

«I’m busy tomorrow too»

«Well, it’s good that you’re still here, this way you don’t have to make new friends» Lucy remarked. Friends was a big word.

Stephanie tried to smile, but it was getting harder and harder. She was tired of that school year before even starting it. «You’re right»

She still sat as far from them as possible, on one of the three empty desks at the back.

She should have skipped, her mother be damned.


	2. 2

«Why are you even planning on inviting her?» LD said once she sat next to Lucy. She wasn’t talking to her, but to the twins sitting in front of them.

And Stephanie knew she was the topic. She was sitting behind them, staring at nothing on the floor of the bus that was going to take them to Borden.

«She’s not even going to bother with an excuse, she’ll just say no» Lucy chimed in.

«Yeah, but we’re friends. We can’t suddenly stop asking…»

Heather, wide eyed and with the personality of a cartoon deer, finished her sister’s thought, although a bit lower. «Last year she wasn’t exactly okay»

She wasn’t wrong, sure. But what would have really helped Stephanie was everyone to just stop acting like they cared. Not sitting around in Lucy’s living room talking about the latest whatever. And they didn’t want her there either. It would have been easier for both parties to just stop playing this politeness game.

Stephanie ran her arm against the hard edge of the seat.

In her mind she could see the mess of blood it would make if it were a blade. But it was just plastic, not even particularly sharp. All that was going to come of it was some redness, easily hidden by the long sleeves of her polo. Can’t risk people noticing anything.

But she had to do something. The blood in her wrists was beating against the skin, begging to be let out.

* * *

After the bell sounded, Stephanie tried to stay in the science lab a little bit longer, to let everyone else out.

Yet Lucy’s group herded next to her desk almost immediately.

Erica was the one to speak. «LD’s got a game coming up, and we’re all going as a group. You included, right?»

Of course she didn’t say the date. No more vague “I’m busy” as answers.

«I don’t like soccer»

«You don’t have to pay attention» Erica kept pushing.

They were all staring at her awkwardly. LD was obviously unhappy with the devotion of putting her match in the background, but they were all waiting for Stephanie’s answer.

«It’s right after school too, we can go straight from there» Lucy added.

She almost snapped and said was was really one her mind. That she would actually, literally, rather jump off an overpass, and be hit by a car on the way down and die on the asphalt, agonising, her bones broken, her lungs slowly filling with blood.

But she couldn’t. The truth wasn’t exactly the most comfortable thing for other people. And other’s confort was clearly much more important than her.

Her mother alone made it explicitly clear in the weeks after school’s start. Always asking why she was home and not somewhere with her friends. Every Friday she would go through a list of all of her friends and ask what they were doing and why she wasn’t with them. One time she even said “That blondish guy you brought home that one time”.

She would love for her to hang with them. Get off her ass.

«Sure, why not?»Stephanie muttered.

«So you don’t have anything to do on Friday?» Lucy asked with a mixture of true curiosity and need to call her out for her previous excuses.

«No»

Heather clapped like a happy seal. «Can’t wait!»

* * *

She managed to sleep even worse than usual before Friday.

Why would she even think of saying yes. Hadn’t she done enough things so that her mom wouldn’t be worried.

She couldn’t even not show up. They were going straight from school. She even shared last period with almost all of the other girls.

There was no way out, she mulled over all the way to school. And then, around half a block to school, she turned the other way towards the park.

Every version of the day where she went to school ended with the absolute disaster that the match was going to be. So she was just not going to school. Problem solved.

Mr Lawrence could call the queen for all she cared.

* * *

The park was her calm place. It was in a residential neighbourhood not too far from Degrassi, but surprisingly childless. Sometimes she saw a couple of old women chatting on a bench, but they couldn’t care less about who you where and where you were supposed to be. Stephanie figured out she could just be there when she started skipping the year before.

She had promised to pretty much everyone that she wasn’t going to do it anymore, but for once, she wanted to feel better more than making sure everyone thought she was feeling better.

Her favourite part of the park was the swing. It was nice sitting there , going back and forth, back and forth, slowly, like a child being rocked to sleep. Because that’s what she needed: to sleep, at least long enough for everything to be different.

But the swing was taken. At first all she saw was a blondish mullet on a guy around her age. But more she got closer she could tell who it was.

Derek Wheeler. Wheels.

They had been close. How much she couldn’t tell for sure. They never kissed, but they sure planned for sex. It was weird thinking of Stephanie Kaye, the sexy-dressing school president. She couldn’t even think of her as the same person.

Wheels had changed from then too. First, his lovely face was now hidden behind two tele-screens he called glasses. And then the reason he neither was at school in that moment: his parents died at the start of the school year.

At some point she had gotten too close for him not to notice.

«Stephanie» he stated, no real emotion behind it. She could have been a tree he failed to see before and he would have reacted the same way.

Stephanie wasn’t sure how to react. She didn’t want anyone around ever, but she couldn’t really be mad.

Wheels continued the conversation for her. «You’re skipping»

He didn’t really seem interested in commenting on the situation, more on assessing it.

«So are you» Stephanie continued to describe what was happening.

It was all so awkward.

«You missed a lot of school last year» Another brilliant observation.

Was he going to start to fake worry? Were his observation going to slowly turn into Mr Raditch’s? Stephanie couldn’t handle it. And in that moment of worry, she realised she could handle it from Wheels less than from everyone else.

He didn’t. He just got up from the swing.

«I’m going to the malt shop» he said, staring at the wind.

Stephanie didn’t follow him. She sat on the swing and started rocking herself as he left.


End file.
